Against Preparing Food (but not Eating)

350. Good baked goods?
They don't exist.
Simply, eveything is half-baked, or half-
good. Nothing is both.
At least, not in metaphysical mumbo-jumbo.
Certainly not in my kitchen.
Just like how Descartes argued for body/soul,
I argue for baked/good.

375. Then again,
effort has never quite been
so mindlessly tasty. All you need to do
is chisel
frozen cookie dough chunks
with your chortling clan.
Why not enjoy your family
in thirty-minute intervals,
just like those Nestle commercials.

400. And I won't stop, because
this
is a protest: I speak
for those poor mascots exploited.
I refuse to eat Charlie the Tuna, and even
the Jolly Green Giant.
So go ahead and
toss the tuna noodle casserole
into the garbage.

But the Pillsbury Doughboy is one
exception.

425. At this point, here is my solution.
It's rather simple - I am a master of Pizza Rolls.
Pizza Rolls are meant to toast,
As much as I am meant to
not cook.
Only just as grand as the Grand Unifying Theory,
my toaster and I.

(written this spring for my poetry class)